now that i am resolved to being good, to no longer getting intoxicated and hooking up with whoever i can get my grimy hands on in the middle of the night, to not seeking out raw experiences of potential physical or emotional endangerment just for the sake of feeling something, to letting go of the weird nostalgia i was holding for all those hours i spent avoiding being alone with myself at secondary locations, all those spontaneous impulsive interactions with strangers that were mildly mentally stimulating and unexpectedly pleasurable at best, masochistic attempts at self-harm and negative confirmation bias at worst.
on performance ≠ real love or desire
now that i am resolved to being good, to no longer getting intoxicated and hooking up with whoever i can get my grimy hands on in the middle of the night, to not seeking out raw experiences of potential physical or emotional endangerment just for the sake of feeling something, to letting go of the weird nostalgia i was holding for all those hours i spent avoiding being alone with myself at secondary locations, all those spontaneous impulsive interactions with strangers that were mildly mentally stimulating and unexpectedly pleasurable at best, masochistic attempts at self-harm and negative confirmation bias at worst.